Thursday, September 4, 2008

Republicans Contend Palin Has Bigger Penis

In another challenge to Democratic Presidential nominee, Barack Obama, McCain supporters today began making the rounds on local and national television with a startling revelation. "We have proof," Carly Fiorina bluntly stated, "that Sarah Palin has a larger penis than Barack Obama."

Taken aback by the startling claim, Barbara Walters asked Fiorina whether she had misspoken. "The facts are the facts," Fiorina blurted.

Across town, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, who earlier in the week had contended that Palin "would have handled the 9/11 crisis in New York just fine," reiterated Fiorina's stance. "Look, you know what we are saying. We are saying that, measured in inches, Sarah has a longer penis. That's just a fact. You can slice and dice it however you wish, but that's not going to change the fact from what it is," Giuliani said, appearing to feign indignation.

"Are you saying that Sarah Palin has a penis?" The ever-probing Katie Couric asked.

"Listen, what I am saying is--yes, what I am telling you is that, not only does she have a penis, but she has one that is much, much longer than the one that Barack claims to have."

"Claims to have?" Couric interrupted.

"Well, yes, Katie," Giuliani mockingly replied. "Have you seen Barack's penis? I mean, have you seen it? I haven't. We don't even know if he even has one. What we do know, Katie, and I mean this sincerely, is that even if Barack has a penis, it is much smaller than Sarah's--much smaller. There's just no question about it."

"Not to be impolite," a stunned Couric replied, "but have you seen Sarah's penis?"

Immediately, Giuliani shot back, the smug smile disappearing from his face. "That's a cheap shot," Giuliani admonished. "Sarah's personal life is her personal life. It's completely off limits in this campaign. If you have a real question, ask it. Otherwise we're done."

Only moments after Giuliani's appearance with Couric, news began circulating that Palin is also blacker than Obama, a point some leading Republican strategists had only heretofore hinted at.

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