In an attempt to jump start a flagging presidential campaign, Senator John McCain has launched a new series of campaign ads aimed at characterizing what he calls the "true Barack Obama."
The ads, showing Obama standing next to the American flag, while holding a greased pig under one arm and wrapping his other arm around the shoulder of President George W. Bush, "clearly show that Obama is more Republican than am I," McCain said, raising one eye brow as the pigment in his face flushed red. "That guy--he's the true Republican," McCain urged. "I'm a maverick."
McCain shook his head as steam rose from behind his ears as his peered around at the gathering of suspicious news reporters.
"Look, my friends, what we have here is one guy, me, who is not at all like George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Karl Rove, and another guy, Obama, who is. It's really that simple," McCain said as he tapped the hammer and sickle lapel that adorned his red wool sweater.
McCain fidgeted for a moment, groping for his next words. "My opponent, I hate to say," McCain started as he shuffled his feet, shook his head while looking at the floor to avoid eye contact, and offered a nervous laugh as he gripped the podium tightly.
"My opponent wants this campaign to be about anything but the issues. And do you know why, my friends?" McCain asked. "It's because on the issues he's got it wrong. Yes, wrong! Obama wants to help the wealthy earning up to a quarter of a million dollars--that's right a quarter of a million dollars and Obama thinks those folks need his help. That's pie in the sky, my friends. Pie in the sky."
"Obama's spending proposals look more and more like Bush's failed economic policies every day. He's even proposed taxing children for any welfare benefits that they receive through their parents and quadrupling medicare costs for the elderly. That's the Obama that wants you to vote for him," McCain cautioned. "That's the Obama that looks a lot more like Bush than even Bush. Tell him 'no.' No to four more years of the same Bush policies and the same failed economic plan. Just say 'no!'"
"My friends," McCain went on, wrapping up his brief appearance, "you have an opportunity to do what is right and good and American in this election. You have the opportunity to vote for a failed Republican platform endorsed by Senator Obama, or a maverick, me."